On travel and being a Plain Jane

Since returning from my first international experience as a 17-year old foreign exchange student in France, people have frequently expressed to me the same two sentiments:

#1: "You're so lucky you get to travel so much!"
#2:  "I'm so jealous!"

In my head, I always feel somewhat nonplussed and think, "What are they talking about?" Not because I don't understand their desire to travel--only because I understand it too well. Well enough to know that luck has nothing to do with it and that their jealousy is unnecessary.

Let me explain.


A few years ago, there came a time when a lot of my friends started wearing hair and eyelash extensions. Now, my hair has been a constant frustration to me over the years. It's fine, there's not a lot of it, and I have this utterly untameable cowlick/widow's peak combination that really limits my possibilities in the coiffure department. Basically, I already had a frustrating relationship with my hair, and amidst this long, complicated relationship, suddenly all my friends had just raised the bar on the standard of beauty within our group. They all had instantaneous, luscious locks, while mine remained less-than-desirable. I already felt like the Plain Jane/Ugly Betty of my friends. They were always on the Pinterest-pin-worthy side of the spectrum, while I was nearer the side with the people who get nominated to appear on "What Not to Wear."
They wore Anthropologie; I probably wore whatever brand Ross or TJ Maxx was carrying. So given this new situation, subconsciously I sensed that my choices were:

1. Keep my boring, frustrating hair while all my friends looked like women from Herbal Essence commercials


2. Buy some extensions and feel better about myself


I caved. I bought some extensions. Granted, they weren't the really nice, expensive kind--I'm only willing to go so far, guys. I'm cheap. But I put those things in my hair, and it was like I breathed a sigh of relief. I loved how it looked. Longer, thicker hair. Yes! This was what I had always wanted--having hair worth envying. I don't think I necessarily admitted that desire to myself, but let's call a spade a spade, shall we?

BUT

Fairly quickly that lovely reveling in my new hair not only faded but backfired. When I'd take out the extensions, I felt bare and ugly and dissatisfied with myself on a whole new level. I noticed that I was comparing myself with others more and more. And I hated feeling like that. So I chucked that synthetic stuff in the garbage. And along with it, I decided not to spend any more thought and energy wishing I could buy Seven for all Mankind jeans or a $158 blouse from Anthropologie. I wanted to focus more of my energy on making myself into someone people would want to get to know better rather than someone people look at and think, "Ooh, wonder where she got that blouse?!"

"But Martha," you say, "We were talking about travel. What in heaven's name does this have to do with travel?" Believe it or not, for me it has had everything to do with it.
I learned from that experience (and continue to have to learn it from new experiences) that the world teaches me to

-prize beauty and fashion and wealth above all else;
-put them at the tip top of my priority list;
-act like I'm able to afford them even if I really can't or shouldn't;


To the world, I say, "No thank you." I reject those teachings and that indoctrination. We won't take our MAC lipstick and 22'' extensions with us in the next life; we won't take our Lulu Lemon yoga pants or Urban Outifitters jackets; we won't even take all of our natural HAIR with us through this life, for heaven's sake. So what do we invest in?

EXPERIENCES

Take that fortune you spend on material goods that add to your life too little too briefly, and invest it in experiences. I've made the decision to try to prioritize travel rather than fashion, beauty, and other outward indicators of wealth. When I make purchases, I try to think of it in those terms. I don't think I own a piece of clothing that cost me more than $30--I very rarely buy anything that costs more than $15. And I'm fine with that. I'll trade designer outfits for a jaunt in Croatia; a more stylish college apartment for a study abroad in Wales; a pair of earrings to match each outfit for a road trip to the East Coast.  I'll trade this


and this

and this


ANYDAY
for this












this

and this

Fashions fade; technology changes; but experiences stay with you and mold you.

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.” --Mark Twain

It may take penny-pinching; it may take more time than you'd like; it may not happen as often as you'd like; but you can make it happen.

It has nearly nothing to do with luck and almost everything to do with priorities.

So  
what is your money buying you?