Grad School
BYU won. Not because I wanted it to. If I had been forced to make a decision off of my desires alone, I would be in London right now, finishing up my Master's degree. Thank heaven for personal revelation. If I had gone to London, my life wouldn't look a thing like it does right now. I still remember what it felt like to finally receive the answer I'd been looking for. Sometimes we're just not asking the right question. Thanks to my wise mother for leading me to that conclusion.
So I've spent the last year studying public health at BYU, getting to know the other 14 students. Very well. I can't say that I'm very sure of what I want to do after I finish my degree here, but it has been a year of intellectual growth and finding out what I really believe about a lot of important issues. I landed a research job with the greatest professor in the department, in my humble opinion--Ben Crookston--or at least the one who is most invested in the future of his student. He landed me an internship with an NGO called Freedom From Hunger, based in Davis California. They do poverty alleviation and health promotion work in countires all over the world. I've been an independent contractor with them, helping with translation, data entry, and report-writing for studies they've been doing about microfinance in Mali. Ben also helped me secure me the opportunity to head to Peru a couple of months ago. I had planned on spending the summer there, but ended up only staying for 10 days. That leads us to the next subject.
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| Utah Capitol Tour with the MPH cohort |
I'm getting married in 17 days. And I couldn't be more excited! Another unexpected turn life has taken, but the best one by far. I feel inordinately blessed by this, even though it overwhelms me to think of thrusting all of my weaknesses upon someone I care so much about. Seems a little backward to consign someone I care so much about to a life full of my problems and faults, but it's not stopping me ;)
I'm still getting used to the idea of fusing my life together with the life of someone else. I've had 26 years to become very independent and self-serving, and it's time that got shaken up a bit, I suppose. The thought of the growth marriage will require scares me, but I know it's what I want. There's been a viral blog post going around written by Tyler Ward. In that post, he says, "Although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage has a far more significant purpose in sight. It is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives, set it on fire and help us grow." This could be a big fire, guys. I'm so grateful to have someone who is willing to help me set my dysfunction on fire and to suffer through the resulting heat and burns.
Mission
I remember back in February when my mom texted all of us children, asking if we could do a Google Hangout that weekend. Now to some, this might seem tender and precious--Family, isn't it about...time? But knowing our parents as we do, we all knew that this meant something big, not to mention the fact that I didn't even know my mom knew what a Google Hangout was. I know I speak for my siblings when I say that all of our minds were going a million miles an hour with both ominous and exciting possibilities racing through. When the actual news was delivered, there was a momentary shocked silence on everyone's part. Dad had been called to serve as mission president of the Australia Melbourne Mission. All of us were excited, initially. And still are. But I have to admit that, for me, as the time of their departure got closer, I began to dread it. Brandon might maybe perhaps possibly be able to attest to the fact that I cried a lot, And he didn't even see all of it. I feel very close to my parents--I think all of us children do. They've always made themselves so available to us, and they are a veritable treasure trove of advice and wisdom. I have always known that following my parents' advice would lead me right, and the thought of not having immediate access to their founts of knowledge made me feel all sorts of uncomfortable and anxious. It was a strange feeling: knowing that no couple could be better in that capacity than my parents, but at the same time, feeling a strong reluctance to share them with 240 missionaries. It was a bit reminiscent of how I felt when Grandpa Neal passed away. Everyone was so kind and gracious with flowers, notes, calls, and visits during that time, but there were some moments when I wished we could just grieve in private. I knew that we were not the only ones who had lost someone special to us, but part of me didn't want to share the experience with the whole Church. It was silly and petty and ungrateful, but I admit that those feelings surfaced a couple of times. Likewise, my feelings about my parents leaving were very selfish at times. The thought of one or both of them missing my wedding has definitely made me sad, but even more, it was the thought of having a baby without my mother there; of wanting a father's blessing and being unable to get one; of being sick without my mom. However, the Lord does things in His infinite wisdom, and I've reflected on the fact that this situation provides me with an especial opportunity to really "leave, cleave, and be one" with Brandon--to bring us closer than we might have been given a different situation. Brandon was the one that comforted me on one of my tearful episodes with the affirmation that I can rely on him for things I need or just for comfort.
Overall, my parents' leaving on their mission has been one of the most powerful examples in my life of faith in Christ and celestial marriage. Although they have both felt overwhelmed since their call, it was great to watch them prepare together and strengthen each other. In order to be financially able to accept their call, they had to make many sacrifices. Only the Lord, and our family second to Him, understands the sacrifice it was for my mom to sell her grand piano. Music is simply an inseparable part of my mom, and that piano was like another child. Not just to my mom, either, although she was definitely the most protective of it--we placed anything on top of it at our peril. It was a gift from my dad to my mom, and many of us children had spent countless hours at its keys, not to mention the family home evenings, recitals, piano lessons, Christmas Eves, and other events it hosted over the years. It was symbolic of many things to our family.
But my mom always wanted to serve a mission, and it was evidence of the sincerity of her desire that she was willing to part with her piano. President Monson recounts the story of Benjamin Landart, who gave up his prized violin and the career opportunity of a lifetime to serve a mission. Landart said, "The greatest decision I ever made in my life was to give up something I loved to the God I loved even more. He has never forgotten me for it." I loved that story when I heard it, and now it is even more meaningful, as it reminds me of my mom.
Even more difficult for both of them was to leave their first and only grandchild before her first birthday. They waited a long time to get a grandchild, so to leave her when she finally came was a trial to them both. Not to mention all the grandkids that will come during their three years away.
My parents left on June 28 for Melbourne. Brandon's and my wedding is August 16. My mom is going to be here for the wedding, even though it takes receiving approval from the Brethren to make something like that happen. She had originally planned to spend about a week here in Utah. That's a week and a half away from my dad, with travel time. However, Mom and Dad soon found out that the first transfer of my dad's presidency would fall while my mom was away. Fifty new missionaries. Mom apologized to me and told me that she would have to stay a shorter time since she just can't leave Dad alone at a time like that. To me, this was another powerful example of righteous marriage. While I know that both of my parents would love to be here for a week and more during the wedding time, I also know that their priorities are 1. to the Lord 2. to each other 3. to their children. This situation is a blessing to me since it demonstrates my parents' devotion both to the Lord and to each other. I won't have a Daddy-daughter dance at my wedding, but I have something better: a righteous father who is serving the Lord. I am so grateful to have righteous parents!
WELCOME BACK MARTHA!!!!!!! yayayayaya!
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