Knees

It's crazy how life continues as if nothing has changed, even when I feel like everything is crashing down around and upon me. To an onlooker, everything must seem normal as I go about my nightly routine. To the untrained eye, there's nothing unusual to see here. Oh, but inside...
My insides churn, my stomach ties itself in knots, my heart is sick; but I robotically brush my teeth, put on my pajamas, and get down on my knees. Just like any other night.

On my knees. 

Once my knees hit the bed, things become more real; my feelings intensify; and even though it started as a routine gesture, I suddenly remember what real, sincere prayer feels like. No vain repetitions tonight. It's a dance between the desperate, fear-based emotions overwhelming me and the automatic peace and faith I feel when I pray. That time on my knees is sacred.

I pray as hard as I can for things to be "fixed"--for something to happen to reverse this potent emotional episode--for the situation to disappear so that I don't have to feel what I'm feeling.

And then suddenly I remember that my Father has always taken care of me. And He always will. He has gotten me through worse times and trials; He will get me through this one, too.

On my knees, I'm traveling.

Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. (Bible Dictionary)

That's my destination. I express these emotions I'm drowning in to sort through them with Him and to slowly bring my will into correspondence with His; to secure the blessings He already has waiting for me.
And then....
I take a step into the seemingly dark and unfamiliar future.
I wake up at 6:25. I shower. I eat. I drive to work.

Life. Goes. On.

And it really does--with or without me. Do I go on with it or stay paralyzed with fear? This time I'm going on with it, wherever it's headed; scriptures in hand, callused knees, and all.