Work in progress

Once upon a time I didn't know who I was. True story. These last few months I've been feelin' a bit confused about being "Martha" and all that entails. Who is Martha, anyway? Well, I'll tell you this: right now she's a mildly confused person who's figuring out who she is and how to be that--whatever "that" is.
I was thinking about this whole situation today and how I sometimes feel like a very different person depending on the group I'm with. Chameleon syndrome, and all that. No me gusta eso. But in some ways, I don't think it's an all bad thing. I've grown up with my two feet in two very different spheres, so I've learned how to adapt to both of those spheres. Cultural liminality is what they call it--someone who's not quite a part of either culture but rather sitting on the threshold. Is it a bad thing to be able to function in both frames? I think (and hope) the answer is "no." The part that's worrisome to me is contained in the definition of liminality:

The term is used to “refer to in-between situations and conditions that are characterized by the dislocation of established structures, the reversal of hierarchies, and uncertainty regarding the continuity of tradition and future outcomes”

I don't mind dislocating established structures or reversing hierarchies, but uncertainty about future outcomes? Not a big fan of that. What to do?
In addition to this liminality, I have sometimes felt like I never got to figure out who I was because I got into a long relationship right out of high school and centered my life around someone. Not just any someone, either. Someone from a very different background than myself, and someone who proved to be unworthy of this position in my life. Badly done, self. But I digress. The point is, now I'm having to restructure myself. And so now, here I am, 24 years old but really only 18 in a lot of ways. I admit that this has gotten me down a bit of late. But then I thought, "That's an awful way to look at it, self. How about you think of it as an opportunity?" And indeed, it is an opportunity. No need to be self-conscious and worry so much about what everyone thinks of "me;" I interact with too many very different people to make a pursuit of people-pleasing. Confidence can't come from that source, so I need to stop outsourcing. Makes me think of that trite phrase I kind of dislike even though it's true: Better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. Thanks, André Gide (at least that's who Google claims is responsible for the quote.)
So yeah, remodeling kinda sucks because it means construction, change, and inconvenience; but it also means I get to pick out the new wallpaper, the carpet, the furnishings, the decor. And even if people come to my house and think, "GOSH, that's an ugly house," at least the one who lives there likes it. Gotta own it, right? "Don't be insecure, girl. Own that ponytail. Work that updo."
So right now I'm a work in progress, and even if the construction takes as long as the I-15 core project (geez, I sure hope not), at least I know that the end result is gonna be dang good.